February

I seriously can't believe February is coming to an end. It has been a whirlwind of a month. The time we spent in the hospital seems so short in hindsight! We can't believe our little one will be five weeks old tomorrow! He is such a sweet baby and is growing SO quickly.

I am constantly replaying the day of his birth in my head and I still can't believe it. People frequently ask if we know why he was born so early and when we say "we have no idea" Tyson and I both get the feeling that they don't believe us. It's really strange and it's something that has been bothering me a lot. I get the feeling that people think it was something I did that caused him to be born so early. I could be wrong, maybe no one thinks this, but I was surprised to hear that Tyson felt the same way.

As we were discussing this feeling of being judged, we realized that we had been judging all the other couples in the NICU. We met up with other couples often as we scrubbed in at the big sink and I could never help but wonder why their babies were there. There was one couple I was pretty sure was on meth, a few other couples that were extremely obese, and others like the young teenagers that obviously weren't married that just made me wonder if they were going to be able to take care of their babies. When I realized what I had been thinking about these couples I couldn't believe it! I had judged them the same way I felt I had been judged. It was a good lesson for me and, while it's embarrassing to admit, I wanted to record it so I will be able to learn from and remember it.

Anyway... we've had a good month and have really enjoyed spending some time at home as a family. Here are some pictures.

Tyson holding Callan and our nephew, Crew

The grandparents couldn't be happier.

Callan is starting to spend a few hours of the day awake. His cousin Crew is so much more awake and alert even though Callan is "older." Must just be a preemie thing to sleep ALL THE TIME.

And this little guy continues to make us laugh and melt our hearts.

He is starting to ask A LOT of questions and the way he phrases them is so funny. ie:

"I drink this?"

"What her name be?"

"Why there is blue on?" (holding something blue)

He is trying out a lot of new words and it's so funny to hear him put his sentences together. He frequently says, "I aren't" instead of "I'm not" and always warns me when he's about to do something dangerous with something like, "mom, I'm gonna jump off this couch and it's gonna not be danj-ous."

A few days ago I asked Easton to go play in his room so I could call and make a doctor's appointment for Callan's circumcision. Easton asked if Callan was going to have to get a poke at the doctor's and I said, "no, but he will have to get a little owie that will get better soon." Then the saddest thing happened! Tears just started pouring out of Easton's eyes and he just started sobbing, "Please don't take my baby brother Callan back to the doctors. I like him to stay home with Easton and our whole family! Please don't take him back mom, don't take him back!" I can't say I didn't cry just a little as I assured Easton that I wouldn't take him back and that he's going to stay home with our family. It took about ten minutes to get him to believe me and stop crying. He was so worried that Callan was going to be in the hospital again like he was before! It broke my heart! Easton loves his brother so much! I am completely shocked that he has never tried to hurt him. Easton can be a little rough sometimes, but around Callan he is so soft and gentle. He is constantly talking to him and telling Callan he loves him. So sweet.

The other day Easton and I were looking in the fridge for some healthy food and Easton yelled, "MOM! A 'pider' is coming!" I kind of disregarded it because I didn't really understand him and then I saw Easton RUN full speed out of the kitchen and scream, "MOM! A 'PIDER' IS COMING!" I realized that he was trying to say "spider" and looked over to see an oreo sized spider coming across the kitchen floor right at me! And he was going FAST! It was so disgusting and I give Easton all the credit for saving my life. Smart little guy. He watched me smash it from the couch and then quietly asked, "mom? you smash the pider with my boot?" Oops - I guess it was the closest thing I could find:)

Life as a NICU Milk Cow & Other Happenings

Just wanted to post this part for memories... During Callan's stay in the NICU I pumped approximately 800 ounces of milk. Thank heavens (and Steve & Arlene) for our deep freeze.

In a perfect world it would be organized by date, volume, and shade of yellow but who has the time?

Anyway... I'll have more of my NICU thoughts later. In case you haven't heard, we got Callan home on Saturday morning. Easton couldn't have been more proud of his baby brother and really really loves him. It took us about 24 hours to really convince ourselves that Callan was going to survive at home. We probably didn't let 2 minutes go by without checking to see if his lips were blue - which they were a few times, but he recovers quickly and it's getting more and more rare.

On Sunday I took Easton to Sacrament. It was awesome because he slept for most of it and was an angel while he was awake. Then Tyson came home to switch me and took Easton to nursery. After church we had a visit from Arlene and Hayden. We always laugh at how our moms are so in tune with each other for things like Christmas gifts etc... That night they both brought us dinners and they both brought us fresh home-made bread.

(Don't worry moms - one is white and one is wheat and I can never get enough carbs:)

Monday morning I drove around the valley trying to get a hair appointment since I want to take family pictures ASAP with our unexpected arrival. I couldn't get in anywhere so I made an appt for the afternoon.

We took Callan to his doctor's appointment and he weighed 5lbs 6oz (in the first percentile:). He is doing great. One of the concerns I wanted to discuss with the Dr was Callan's feedings. Before I left the NICU I had to meet with a dietician and lactation consultants to get my orders on how when and what to feed this little one. They said I had to bottle feed him every other feeding so that I could fortify the milk with extra calories and the calcium and phosphorous that he would have received during the third trimester. Maybe I was just sick of being told how to take care of my baby, but it just upset me that I was going to have to do this. I did my best for 2 days and couldn't wait to discuss it with the Dr. Lets face it - PUMPING SUCKS! And that's all I'm going to say about it. Anyway the Dr. said to forget everything about the NICU and start treating this baby like a 10 pound full term baby. So I was happy and I think Callan is gaining enough weight on his own!

After my hair appt, I came home to these.

I just love flowers. And Tyson prepared a delicious pasta dinner for us.

This part was very special for Easton and Tyson. They both LOVE salami and green olives.

We were more than ready by the end of the day to get kids to bed and rest up for another day. Tyson went back to work Tuesday. At 4:30 Tyson was up getting ready, I was up feeding the baby, and Easton (who had been up coughing most of the night) woke up to join the crowd. It was kinda sad. What family wakes up at 4:30? Hoping that doesn't become a part of our routine.

Tuesday was pretty mellow. My friend Jana came to visit and while she was here I noticed Easton had tons of green goop in his eyes. After she left I ran Easton to the doctor. He has pink eye in both eyes. We got an antibiotic ointment for them and I begged for an oral antibiotic as well just to kick whatever else he might have in the butt.

(Random picture of Easton when he popped his big blue ball the other day:)

If I wasn't a germ-o-phobe before, I am now. Today has been very stressful trying to explain to Easton that he's contaminated and we'll have to take Callan back to the hospital if he touches anything. I've spent every spare second wiping down couches, crib, playpen, countertops, high chair, etc... with Clorox wipes and spraying light switches, door knobs, handles, etc... with Lysol. He's already looking a lot better. Just praying Callan doesn't get sick! I know that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back!

(I guess I'm referring to myself as a camel?)

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I'm feeling a little better since my last post. There were a few days of frustration and confusion because that night with hiccup nurse, Callan had an oxygen desat event. His oxygen frequently goes down in what they call "self-resolving" desats. We'll see his oxygen on his monitor drop down for a while and sometimes his upper lip will turn a little blue, but it comes right back up quickly and on his own. Well that night, a nurse that wasn't even caring for Callan came in to his room and charted that he had oxygen desaturation which required vigorous stimulation for over a minute. It was so random because no one really seems to know who charted it or why. The next morning when I got to the hospital, his nurse told me about his desat event and said that the nurse saw milk bubbles in his mouth so they decided he was suffering from reflux. They started thickening his milk with a thickener to help it stay down in his stomach. This was all just so weird to me because he hadn't shown any sign of reflux (and hasn't still). The only reason I'm going along with it is that the neonatologist is attributing his oxygen desat to having milk in his mouth due to reflux so he isn't making him stay 7 days from that event.

I know that was a lot of medical information - but I wanted to have it recorded. Anyway, they took his NG tube out a few hours ago and he passed his hearing and carseat test. We've watched all the videos we have to watch and have completed all of our discharge education. I just have to take a CPR class tonight and we're thinking SATURDAY IS THE DAY! Although I've learned throughout this process not to bank on anything anyone tells me:)

Here's a picture update...

Grandpa Cook

Grandma Cook

First Bottle

Carseat Test

...and my sweet Easton and his horse.

Love that smile.